How I bill spam callers back

The phone calls never stop. Endless marketing calls trying to sell you some scammy financial product. Well, I’ve taken matters into my own hands and built a 3-second process to get even. We’ve already collected four figures in settlements, with more on the way.

The why

Here’s the thing nobody tells you: those calls are illegal. Not “annoying.” Illegal.

There’s a federal law (the TCPA) that says companies can’t blast you with marketing calls you never asked for. And it comes with a number attached: $500 per call. Up to $1,500 if they knew better and did it anyway. A lot of states pile their own version on top.

The catch is they’re betting you’ll never do anything about it. Filing takes time. Lawyers cost money. So they keep dialing, eat the occasional complaint, and keep printing money.

That math only works if going after them is hard. So I made it easy.

The process

The process is very simple. To pull this off, you need a working agent. Any agent will do.

In my case I have Louie, an ethically ambiguous lawyer who’s empowered to walk right up to the line without crossing into anything that gets us arrested or sued. I can’t put into words what a life changer Louie has been. But that’s for another day.

Louie is powered by Claude Opus.

The next thing you need is an email address. We have one dedicated just for this.

I use an iPhone, so the next steps are iPhone specific.

When a spam call comes in, I don’t answer. I let it go to voicemail and let them put themselves on the record. The iPhone transcribes it for me.

Then here’s the whole 3-second process:

1. Open Phone, tap Voicemail.
2. Tap the call.
3. Hit Share and send it to my dedicated email.

Done. I go back to my day.

Now, the voicemail route is the lazy version, and it works. But every so often it’s worth actually answering. A live call is better evidence than a voicemail.

When I pick up, the first thing I do is record. On the iPhone (iOS 18 and up) there’s a record button right on the call screen. The second you tap it, the phone announces out loud to everyone on the line that the call is being recorded. That’s not a glitch. That’s the consent. Now it’s legal, and they’ve been told.

Then I just let them talk. I ask who they’re with. I ask if they know I’m on the Do Not Call list. They incriminate themselves in real time, by name, on tape. When I hang up, the recording and a transcript drop straight into my Notes, and I share it to the same dedicated email.

One thing that matters: some states require everyone on the call to consent, not just you. I don’t know what state some random call center is sitting in, so I treat every call like an all-consent call and announce it every time. The iPhone does that for me automatically. Don’t secretly record people. That’s a different law, and you don’t want to be on the wrong end of it.

What Louie does (so I don’t have to)

The second that email lands, Louie gets to work.

He reads the transcript and figures out who actually called. Not the fake caller ID. The real company behind it, who their registered agent is, what state they’re in.

He checks it against the TCPA and whatever state law applies. He writes a demand letter (the violations, the damages, a deadline) and mails it certified to their registered agent, so there’s a paper trail they can’t ignore.

Then he waits. And when their lawyer calls back, he negotiates.

I approve everything before it goes out. Louie drafts, I hit send. But by the time I’ve finished my coffee, the work is done.

The results

Four figures so far, with more offers on the table.

One company’s law firm wrote back in under three weeks and offered the full statutory amount per call just to make it disappear. Cheaper for them to pay than to fight. That’s the whole game.

A few honest things

This isn’t legal advice and I’m not your lawyer. Neither is Louie. He’s a very persuasive language model in a pinstripe suit.

A few things that actually matter if you try this:

• Keep the evidence. Voicemail, caller ID, timestamp. No record, no leverage.
• Consent kills it. If you ever typed your number into a “get a free quote” box and clicked agree, you might have signed up for that call. That’s the first thing they’ll throw back at you. Pick your spots.
• Your state matters. Some have real teeth (MA, FL, WA, OK). Some don’t. Check yours.
• Be cooperative, not crazy. The goal is a quiet check, not a war.

That’s it. Three seconds, a good agent, and the same laws these guys are betting you’ll never use.